We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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