I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
