My liver just broke up with me...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
