He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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