Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
