Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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