We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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