There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
