I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
a search helicopter?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
