My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
