Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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