i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
