dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
