Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
