Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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