Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she told me i tasted like america
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
