by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
