Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
