Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This baby is an asshole
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
