Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
