remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
