dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
