Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
