i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
