i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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