I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
