Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
