The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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