you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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