sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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