My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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