hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
