waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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