I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
