I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
