i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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