So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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