glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
