I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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