You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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