My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
