if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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