I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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