Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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