i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
