i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Couch. On fire.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
