just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
