i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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