Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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