So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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