you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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