this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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