i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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