Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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