in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
