somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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