I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
