I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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