filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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