you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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