Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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