I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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