Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
