matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
