Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she told me i tasted like america
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
