He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
