a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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