I hate all girls vehemently.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
In America we eat man semen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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