I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
