She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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