I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
