3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
