your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
