Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
