a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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